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[examining the corpse of Bill, Junior Frisbee's former partner] Colonel Morgan: Well, I'd say he looks healthier than the last time I saw him. Junior Frisbee: How can he look healthier when he's dead? Colonel Morgan: It must agree with him.
Colonel Morgan: [referring to Angel Moon] What about your friend there? Do you want to bury him? Jonny Cobb: No. Maybe something will come out of the hills tonight and drag him off.
Joe Pickins: I guess I'd still be a horse soldier if I hadn't lost my leg. Joe Baker: In the war? Joe Pickins: Naw... See, there was this girl in Virginia... and her father caught us... cut it off. Chopped it clean off! With an axe. While I was sleepin'. Joe Baker: Really? Joe Pickins: Cross my heart. Joe Baker: You're lucky it was only your leg.
Stagecoach lady: [wearing a low-cut dress; she is in a stagecoach that Baker's gang has just stopped] Are you a bandit? Joe Baker: [friendly, even though he is planning to kidnap her] No, ma'am, just an old cowboy tryin' to get along. Stagecoach lady: [friendly] Well, honey, I don't care what you call yourself. But if you're after our valuables, I'll tell you now - mine, you can't put in a saddle-bag. Joe Baker: [smiling] You wanna bet?
Junior Frisbee: [angry that his partner Bill is dead, and Col. Morgan will do nothing about it] We was talking about protection. Colonel Morgan: [musing] Yeah, well... how many people would you say he's killed, in his miserable life? Junior Frisbee: [defensive] Well... none that didn't deserve it. Colonel Morgan: How many have you killed, Junior? Junior Frisbee: None that didn't deserve it. Me and Bill was very particular about that. We never killed church-folks, neither... course, there was a Baptist got in the way once, but very seldom!
Joe Baker: [riding on a horse, through the hot desert, with his hostage Mary Anna Morgan; he offers Mary his canteen, but she hesitates to take it] I'll make a deal with you - you can hate me, but you can still drink my water. Mary Anna Morgan: [very hot and thirsty, accepts his canteen] On that basis, I'll do it. Joe Baker: [noticing her wiping the rim very thoroughly] I don't have a disease. Mary Anna Morgan: [referring to their relationship in general] Neither do I, and it's gonna remain that way.
Carrie Standall: [as Baker rides to the Standall sisters' home, which is a shanty and a shed, next to an old mine, by the boundary of the Texas and New Mexico territory] Baker, you just get purtier and purtier. Joe Baker: I sure am a lucky man. Every time I come back here, I half expect to see you two gone. Carrie Standall: Every time we think of leaving, Polly finds another nugget. Polly Standall: That's right. We ain't got nothin' but a cow and a hole in the ground. Carrie Standall: You might say we live from nipple to nugget. Polly Standall: [to Baker on his horse] Come on down. I got a' itch that needs scratchin'.
Jonny Cobb: I'll trade you that there Big Gun for a woman. Joe Baker: [disbelief] A what? Jonny Cobb: [firmly] A woman. Joe Baker: [surprised] What do you want with a woman? Jonny Cobb: [insulted by the implication] What do you mean? What do you mean, what do I want with a woman? What should any man want with a woman?
Jonny Cobb: [all cleaned up, holding a bouquet of flowers, with a lacy garter around his left sleeve, in anticipation of Baker bringing him a woman] Baker, where's a woman? Joe Baker: When I have her, I'll let you know, alright? Jonny Cobb: [mad] When? Joe Baker: What do you think I am, Cobb, a magician? You think it's easy to produce a woman out of nowhere? Don't you think if I could find a woman, in this territory, I'd have one or two for myself?
Jonny Cobb: [upset] We got a deal. You and me, a deal. A woman for a Gatling Gun. Now, I can get my hands on that Gatling Gun this week. Where's a woman? Joe Baker: What you need is a drink, Jonny. Sit down, Jonny. Have a drink. Jonny Cobb: [very frustrated] When I lie down at nights, I'm thinking about a woman. And when I get up in the morning, I'm thinking about a woman. It's been years. Baker, it's been years! I can't remember. I can't even remember what it's like. Joe Baker: [matter-of-fact tone of voice] Well, Jonny, I'll tell you what it's like. First of all... Jonny Cobb: [mad] I don't want you to tell me, I wanna do it!
Colonel Morgan: [at the Standall sisters' place, on official business] Ladies, we're looking for a man named Baker. Would either of you happen to know him? Polly Standall: Know him? He come through here last year like a dose of salts. He didn't even take his boots off.
Colonel Morgan: [the next morning, Col. Morgan and Bookbinder come out of the Standall sisters' shanty, they are walking stiffly like they've had too much sex; Carrie playfully pinches Bookbinder's behind] Bookbinder, breathe a word of this to a living soul, and you're a dead man.
Polly Standall: [That evening, Col. Morgan and Bookbinder are at the Standall sisters' shanty, on official business, looking for Baker] Why don't you-all sit down, make yourselves ta home? Colonel Morgan: Oh, no, thank you very much. We'd be most appreciative, if you'd allow us to sleep in your shed tonight. Polly Standall: [who wants Col. Morgan to spend the night in her shanty, so she can seduce him] What's in the shed?